we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize