Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
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