yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
