i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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