dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
third nipple confirmed
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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