Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Randomize
