please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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