Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize