i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
