nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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