it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
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