How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
