I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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