we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Randomize
