Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
