Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I want to be your penis for a week.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
