Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
