My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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