if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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