So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
