I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
