Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
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