no, he came in my armpit
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
