Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize