So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
