Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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