I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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