just come out here and I will go home with you...
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
