In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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