I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
