I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
