perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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