marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
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