i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
