sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
