I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
