She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Randomize
