If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
