Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
