I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
