So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
