I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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