on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
