Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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