just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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