porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
