I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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