id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
