If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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