drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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