I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
she pinky promised me she was 18
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
