Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
