I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
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