I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
