your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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