Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
