Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize