So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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