My first STD was from a foam party
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
