i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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