I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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