So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
