so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
