margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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