nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Randomize
