wrigley field is MILF paradise
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
This baby is an asshole
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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