We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
