he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
