You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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